Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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