I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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