I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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