onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are we still banned from the library?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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