i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
