My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
