420 ftw
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
