i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
