He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
