Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
