Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
