you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
