I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Enjoy the penises
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
