kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The economy isnβt reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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