I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
