some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
