I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
