Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
