well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
