saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
