dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
