so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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