that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
