I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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