Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
