You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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