I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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