Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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