i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
