bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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