Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
