This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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