is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
