NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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