Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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