What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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