take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
