hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I party with great urgency now.
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