I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
