My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
