i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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