i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
