People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
