Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
