After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
