It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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