I need to stop coming to work sober
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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