Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
