You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
