and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
